sábado, 31 de octubre de 2009

el yo que me odia,


son casi las 3 he salido de casa a los 2'30 porque hacía calor y la ventana estaba abierta y eso significa peligro y me asaltaba el dolor de cabeza y me molestaba el pelo y la barba después de haber estado intentando hacer hueco en mi habitación para vivir y cuando me molesta el pelo y la barba y me duele la cabeza puedo hacer cualquier cosa puedo porque me siento poseído por un ser que llevo dentro pero que no es el que me posee otras veces este es otro que no tiene sentido del humor otro que odia otro que se odia que se rasca y se hace daño que se agobia y ve que no puede hacer todas las cosas que tiene que hacer todas las tareas encomendadas y todo el trabajo pendiente


hoy me he levantado tarde después de 3 horas de apagar el despertador cada 10 minutos es decir 3 horas cada 10 minutos 18 veces por fin me he levantado odiando odiando porque he desaprovechado la mañana he desaprovechado el fin de semana y porque mañana tampoco tendré ganas de hacer nada porque hoy ya he desaprovechado el fin de semana y tenía que hacer muchas cosas y tenía el fin de semana para hacer todas esas cosas que tengo que hacer que se supone que debo hacer aunque podría no hacerlas realmente podría no hacerlas y mandar a la mierda todo lo que me rodea

he desayunado y he odiado he odiado por ejemplo a mí a mí primero y luego también te he odiado a ti sí a ti porque no me escribes nada porque no me das ninguna sorpresa porque no te importo nada y en vez de buscar los motivos por los que no te importo nada en vez de eso me limito a odiarte ese otro yo que también soy yo ese otro yo que me invade y me posee te odia y odia también la televisión y el desayuno y la leche y el te y el pan y mi cabeza que me duele y mis ojos que me duelen y me voy a sacar un día y mi pelos largos y mi mano derecha mi mano derecha que se moja y se queda en carne viva mi mano derecha que me rasco a todas horas mi mano derecha en la que canalizo mi furia en los momentos en que me invade el otro yo que me odia en la que canalizo mi furia en los momentos en que me odio esa mano habría que extirparla


y los días en que me invade mi otro yo no me despierto ese yo que me posee no me deja despertarme me deja como un espíritu reacciono de forma refleja o ni si quiera eso ni si quiera de forma refleja sólo soy un autómata un imbécil que está puesto donde le lleve su otro el yo que odia está ahí puesto esperando a que llegue la noche y se pueda meter en la cama porque ya sabe ya sé que por mucha cafeína o teína por muchos excitantes que me tome por mucho que intente lavarse la cara o meterse bajo la ducha fría no se va a despertar el yo que odia no le va a dejar disfrutar en todo el día

ahora estoy esperando a que llegue la noche para meterme en mi camita,

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